ep_idem_ic

fuck this shit.. new account.
add it.
suff_o_cation

strickly friends only.

Girl Confessions

[x] I'm kinda easy.
[x] I do wear make up.
[x] When I walk by mirrors, I can't help but look.
[] When I walk by mirrors, I like what I see
[x] When I walk by mirrors, I hate what I see.
[] I wear a bra to bed
[x] I wear boxers/boy shorts to bed
[x] occasionally i sleep naked
[] I wear toe nail polish.
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[]I've purposely talked to a guy my boyfriend didn't like.
[] I love chocolate
[x] Getting flowers makes me smile.
[] I've wrecked a car.
[x] I can't put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I'd do anything for that special guy
[x] I get jealous easily.
[x] I love hugging.
[x] I've gotten a detention.
[x]I've gotten suspended.
[x] I've gotten expelled.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x]I like rock.
[x] I like death/grind/black metal.
[x]i like rap.
[x] I like techno.
[x] I carry a purse everywhere.
[] I carry a bag everywhere.
[x] I'd be lost without my phone.
[] I'd be lost without my iPod/mp3/CD player/computer.
[x] I own/did own a Spice Girls CD.
[x] I own/did own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own/did own a boy band CD.
[] Football isn't boring.
[ ]I love athletic boys
[] I love skater guys.
[] I love punk guys.
[] I love gangsta guys.
[] I love emo guys.
[] I love gothic guys.
[/] I love guys with long hair.
[x] guys are confusing
[x] I've been called a slut
[x] I've been called a bad influence
[x]I cant leave the house without makeup.
[ ] I just dont like to be in front of people
[] I play video games, even when there arent other people around
[x] my friends are the best, and they're important to me.
[x] I would do anything for my friends.
[x] I get screwed over alot
[x] I smoke way too much
[x] I drink way too much.
[] I am a member of FriendWise.com and love it.
[x] I have/want a tattoo
[x] I have/want piercings other than my ears
[x] I have stuffed animal(s)
[x] family is everything to you
[/] I want kids when I'm older


and Paul is sooo cute!!

coffeequakes7: yeah you have changed


did you expect me to stay the same forever?

I'm 106.

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bahhhhumbug.

I'm not fucking cute
I'm not fucking thin
and I don't own a little piece of your heart
I never will.
or anyones.

I need my dad right now, I need him to scoop me up when he did when I was young and carry me, I need him to reasure me that I'm beautiful and can acomplish anything, I need him to give me a big bear hug he always used to give me before work after work and just because, I need to sit on his lap and fall asleep while we watch wrestling.

I'm a wreck.

I'm so fucking sick of you little 14 year old girls acting like you have an eating disorder.
oh boy you skipped a meal you're so ana now lets go ask people for tips.
WOW. you are all fucking immature. you're 14 you're fucking skinny STFU!!

and tina can kiss my ass I'm not the fake bitch that changes her accent depending on her mood or who she's talking to,
sorry I defend my friends.

Don't fucking blame me for your social problems.
you know all of this I told you. I'm pretty much done.

besides people telling me I need to gain weight and asking if I eat and all the shit above today sucked 10 times more then that,

but the cute boy totally give me butterflies in my tummy and I wiked dig it.




oh yeah eat me bitch = )

I acutaually have an eating disorder.
thanks.

pain isn't measured on the scale
everyone with an eating disorder suffers.

I'm gross and fat and smoke ciggarates.
deal.

anyways.

cuteboycuteboycuteboy

I don't know why I'm surprise.
I mean I suck at life
so why didn't I see this coming
well I did see this coming

but not that
not that!
I hatteeeeee myself





Chris Rice is the best<3

I set horrible trends.
that everyone seems to want to follow.


why may I ask?
immature?
yeah.

I love that now that I don't get fucked up anymore noone hangs out with me.

that's fucking cool. I'm trying to better my life and you're kicking me out of yours because I don't do drugs anymore. so were we even friends to begin with then?
I guess shit happends. but this just sucks. I don't do anything on the weekends anymore. do you all want me to go back to getting fucked up because I've honestly heard that from people. fuck it maybe it would be better if I just go out and get fucked up all the time like I used to. so I wouldn't have to deal with all of your bullshit.
I wish I had more friends that didn't treat me differently after the fucking insadent at school.
Ari is honeslty the only person I want to talk to about anything, because she's always there for me and the rest of you suck.

my fucking journal
you fucking suck
eat me

I wasn't talking about you.

so I can't say anything to anyone not even on my own mother fucking stupid ass livejournal.

I get attached to people way too easily, I'm talking about all of you.
If I didn't care I wouldn't worry about you all the time. I just need some time by myself and so do you. annnnd you have no idea who this is about. because it's about more than one person.

anyways though I love Ari and I'm sorry baby<3


In other news.
school sucks
teachers suck
stupid immature kids suck
I suck.

I'm going to get hurt
because that's what always happens.

=/

because I try and try and I just can't fight it.

I'm never going to look like that because I'll never see myself like that.
it's not that I'm giving up it's that you're giving up on me
how am I suppose to go through this by myself.

there are times where I just can't take it anymore and I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you think I am.

it's like I try to be there for all of you and most of you don't see that I can't even handle my own problems so how can I handle yours.
everyone has their issues and I'm always here for each and everyone of you
I just wish you were there for me too.

you all mean so much to me and I care wayy more about you then you care about me, or at least it feels that way with most of you.

I want to get better, but what do I do then?

even if I'm happy you're not and I can't deal with that.

I don't feel sorry for you
for any of you
I honestly don't fucking care

go get attention from someone else.


also I don't care what you think
until I look like this shut the fuck up.



also some of my fav!<3

for you..

there's nothing I can do to help.
but I'm here
I'm always here.

for me..

I can feel myself slipping.
it's not even like I've been doing a great job either. I don't see myself ever getting better. it's not enough for me to want to get better I just honestly am not capable of recovery. this is going to kill me and I'm sorry I can't do it though and I think that gaining any more weight or even staying this weight will make me worse because I'm honestly discusting. I know that I'm not overweight and in actuality I'm underweight, weight but I don't mentally or physically see that. I feel extremly selfish for being so rapped up in this I'm completly obsessed with this that it's hurting the people around me. My mom and sister are scared that I'm going to die die. I was shocked I know that I can deffinetly die from this but to hear her break down about not wanting to put me 6 feet in the ground broke my heart. I'm angry at myself for not being strong enough to beat this. what if I really can't? I feel like people who are actually overweight hate me because I say I am. I feel bad because I honestly don't know what I would do if I was them. and I admire them for living their lifes and embrassing who they are. I really wish I could do that. I can't stand the way I look. I wish looks weren't so important and people could judge me for the person I am inside. but I honestly don't have that faith in people. if I was 300 bls you wouldn't like me. would you? honeslty.
I have the biggest heart and I'm openminded.
do you think world peace is achieveable?
I do.

wouldn't it have been nice?

because I'm so fucking ugly?
stupid?
fat?
skinny?
loud?
quiet?
annoying?
unathletic?
athletic?
WHAT!!?

what the fuck is wrong with me?!!?????

Tell me
what it is I have to do to make you love me.

cute boy cute boy cute boy


seriously back the fuck off
haha.

really really cute boy!<333

trying to get better because this doesn't just affect me
and I'm terribly sorry.
Ari I love you so much and I'm going to work on this.

oh Amanda don't get affended I was ranting in my last entry
stupid little kids and random people annoy me.
don't worry about it.
you actually have eating issues.
I know this.

but I was never skinny.

because I am still that 400 pound woman sitting on the rock wall.
in time I hope, that will fade.

shop makes me really happy and depressed at the same time.
=/

I'm really really really really going to miss arlene.
ughhh it's not fair.
I don't want her to move.

all things happen for a reason.
right?

surprise surprise

just fucking rip me apart


I'm going to stay away from you and everyone else.


you're a liar.
(different people)
and you're a whore.


instead of wasting my time with stupid boys
I'll spend all my time on my obsession

Ana is there for you when noone else is.

it can't let me down.



also
have fun pretending because you can't foul me
I'm a fucking expert on this subject
you're failing pretty horribly
until you can see my ribs
until you can feel my bones
until forever
forever it will take


I wanna be so light that the wind carries me away.

we are all dying each day
but I'm killing myself each day
for something I will never achieve.

honestly you don't get it.
because honestly
you're a fake
and honestly
that isn't perfection.